Mood Music Miss

So my husband and I made an appointment to have sex.

Yes it has come to that. Otherwise would never happen. The time was set for 9:45. Kids were in bed, ducks were in a row and the stars were aligned and we were going to have sex. Was very excited. Had been a long time re: three kids, period, and pork chop/cancer scare.

We met promptly in the bedroom at 9:45. I had lit a candle and put on lacy lingerie.
My husband plugs in his phone and starts playing music. 80's love ballads. Nice touch.
We begin to kiss and suddenly things seem a bit contrived. The candle, the music. It is all feeling a bit staged. Like maybe in  low budget soft porn or possibly Viagra commercial. I try to shake these thoughts loose and relax.
"She's like the wind" bellows in my ears.
I stifle a laugh and try to focus. For some reason song feels ridiculous and wrong. Has feminine hygiene commercial type overtones. I can almost picture a seagull gliding overhead.
Why are there seagulls in feminine hygiene commercials anyways? Maybe is symbol... of something? Freedom?
Must focus.
Maybe next song will be better.

Becomes like name that tune as opening cords of next song begin. Familiar yet... can't place it.
"Tonight I celebrate my love for you."
I can't. I can't do it. I sit up abruptly.
I fumble for the phone and switch the playlist to make out songs.
Maybe will be better.
First song: is called "The bitch must die"
Seems a little overly aggressive. Seriously Songza:  In who's world is above named song a 'make out song'?
Serial killers, maybe. Or S&M Mafia drug lords, if exist. Not sure.
Switch around stations and songs and themes and moods, turning up song after song. Nothing seems appropriate. Husband getting mad, trying to wrangle phone away from me.
"Just leave it" he says as the opening cords of "Heart Attack" by Demi Levato play.
I lay back, resigned. Is improvement, maybe.
But no. Still does not feel right. Feels vaguely Grade 10ish.
Not that Demi Levato was a thing when I was in grade 10.
Well maybe she was.
An embryo.
Not that I was having sex in Grade 10, either.
Not the point.
Anyways, was debacle.